i thought i knew… but i had no idea…

i thought i would not hear from her ever, contrary to what she had said in her post that it will be her first and last… i shall quote her on that one: "yah right"… if i was the bitch i was it would have been easy for me to chew her head off and retaliate in a manner that i myself can't control, wage war against her would have been a feisty blood bath… that would have been fun to watch… it will be nasty, gruesome, gory if i may add… i will for sure love such an idea… but, i'm not that person anymore.

enough is enough… it's amazing how people could change 360 degrees in just a short span of time… how their experiences or rather wretched experiences turn them into savage beasts that they are… how they like to gnaw and chew off other people's misery… how they like to project that they like where they are now even if it meant hurting other people… how they love to say that they're happy even if they're not… who the hell are they kidding?! who cares right?!

well, for one, i do care… but i shall not surround myself with people who feed off in making other people's lives hell… reality check, it's hell already so don't you think rubbing it in ain't such a good idea? i shall not surround myself with people that takes pleasure in making other people cringe at their presence…

truth be told, i have grown… i have had good or bad experiences and it did define me for the person i am today but i won't be stooping to such a low level… that ain't me at all… she still does wanna fight with me, have another brawl… a word war if you can call it that…

too bad, i won't give in to such a remarkably low and stupid invitation… she told me once to grow up, i guess she should be telling herself the same thing…

honestly, i am sick and tired of this whole thing… it all seemed like a joke or rather a prank… i hate how everything has turned out and how other people's lives are affected… i hate it… i really thought it was still worth saving but having read what she just posted… it has SARCASM painted all over it… yes, we were friends and i'd like to think that we still are but this is where i draw the line… she has called me a lot of things that i'm not and it may take me a while to forgive her but sadly, i won't be able to forget it…

i'd like to wish that she goes to hell for all i care, but no… i'm not gonna do that… i got class and i'd like to think that i've matured over the years… instead, i'd wish her luck in her life, and may she find her true happiness..

and as for me, i'll go on my own way… maybe, it's best this way…

blogging frenzy

i guess i started blogging since i was in grade school, things weren't so hi-tech by then, so there's always the manual blogging — yup! the pen and the paper! my favorite things, my savior, my comrade during boring times or during those times my brother had beaten me to the use of the tv's remote control.

i write my thoughts about anything — well, almost about anything i can think of. why do i write? hmm.. let me think.. aside from the fact that i love to waste ink and paper.. i simply love to doodle.. it is after all one of my favorite past times. hahaha!

by the time i graduated in college, i barely write anymore.. and then blogging came to life.. it is easier.. no more waste of ink and paper, just a mild strain at the wrists for typing profusely at the keyboard. so here i am, blogging.. i've gotten to know about this site from deej and joyz and thought to myself that i can blog all my thoughts here.. another venue for all my ranting, complaints, memorable experiences, life stories, etcetera.. etcetera..

lifestyle of the rich and famous

i wonder how they all do it? i wonder how they get to shoot a tvc with just one take.. and have a great photo shoot without wasting a single shot?!

been invited this morning to do just that.. a tvc for a telecom company.. i had to wake up early since call time is at 8 am.. i got there.. not even knowing what to do.. don't even know the people around me, and yet there i was.. fighting to stay awake at least and trying to memorize one line.. sounds simple isn't it?!

well, you think you had it down, and you all got yourself perked up.. but when the cameras roll.. you get jitters.. suddenly a thousand butterflies take flight in your stomach.. then you forget that one line you rehearsed the nth time a few hours before.. damn!! to top all that, there are at least 10 people within the set, all giving you instructions on what to do.. suddenly, pieces of acting advice came pouring in.. yup.. i'm not a born actress.. it took me several takes (make that 6 or so.. i lost count!) to hit the right shot.. and the bright lights on the set isn't helping.. i'm sweating all over.. haha!! good thing the director and the staff were really nice.. thanks guys!! and jaymie of pinoy uplate of abs-cbn was really great! helping me with my spiel.. thanks a lot!!

and yup.. jaymie, i may be wearing a green and white top, but i'm a true blue atenean!! will beat those la salle asses next year!! hehehe!!

so, after the tvc shoot, photo shoot came in next.. i had nice coaches.. haha!! the goal is to smile, fake it, smile again, and fake it.. act happy, act natural.. damn! i didn't realize it's gonna be that hard!! the photographer was like, "angle a bit here.. smile.. say hi!.. say wow!.. take a deep breath.. relax.. look happy.. look at your cellphone.. nice.. that's it!" whew!! damn!!!

it was a fun experience though.. acting silly and smiling for no reason at all.. haha!! do i want that kind of life? hmmm.. nah.. i'd leave it to the expert / professional.. ariane can definitely pull this one off with just a take or two.. hehe.. thanks friend for keeping me company thru text! hahaha!! luv yah!!

thy name

i go by a lot of names, and i've lost count as to how many my nicknames are.. but one things for sure, i like the name meanings site.. i've gotten the idea from deej's blog page.. so i tried it!

Anne Princess

Charming, poised and sociable you need peace and harmony around you and always seek to create a happy environment. Perceptive and with strong intuition you are able to make sound judgements. You show great flexibility in attitude being open and responsive to the needs and opinions of others. This ability gives you potential for success in business dealing with the public. Your warm personality and caring ways ensure you are loved by family and friends.

Anne

Grace "Hebrew"

You are a charismatic individual with a dynamic and attractive personality. Probably not known for your caution or patience you are a risk taker who hates to be restricted in any way. Freedom is very important to you. Your thinking and intuition is strong and you have a talent for communication. You enjoy the sensual and material pleasures of life and with the application of care and wisdom you can achieve wonderful worldly success.

  

Princess

Having confidence in yourself and integrity you have your emotions under control and are rarely ruffled. You have a quiet and reflective manner and are responsive to the needs of others giving you the ability to be a mediator. You are extremely successful in the material world being organised, financially astute and pursuing realistic goals. Your caring attitude and compassion certainly makes you a loved individual.

 

Prinz

You are highly perceptive and intuitive with a wonderful imagination and the ability to manifest your dreams in reality. You are able to create joy, security and harmony for yourself and in the lives of others by the support and dedication which you give. Often the centre of influence people admire your fine qualities and follow your example. Much happiness is gained through your willingness to serve good causes.

Set

A strong leader with a powerful influence and executive ability you exude determination, discipline and effort. Financial success is very likely because of this. People follow you because you are inspirational and original yet still realistic. Your ambition, courage and drive means that you rarely give up on a goal and with your sound judgement, organisational skills and resourcefulness you are able to accomplish anything.

you think you know, but you have no idea

september 20, 2007 (thursday)

how well do you know your friends? do you really? hmm.. lemme think for a bit.. well, i think i know some of them.. yup.. i guess i did.. but i was wrong.. totally wrong..

let me ask you this, do friends deliberately say hurtful things to one another? is it really necessary to result to name calling and stuff? would friends do that? i don't think so..

would i let someone do that to me? curse me or something? hell no!! it's gonna be war i tell you.. all hell would break loose! but what if that someone is a friend of yours, not just any friend, but a friend you've known almost your entire life? someone you've grown up with? someone whom you thought knew the real you.. someone you considered family..

if that's the case, then that friend isn't really a friend.. just a mere acquaintance.. a nobody.. i really don't wanna think that the friendship i hold so dear would just go down the drain.. split into pieces.. impossible to put together..

i have been called a lot of things by people i don't even know, i could care less what they think, they're not important to me.. i care what the people i love think, their opinions matter.. coz these people make my life worth living..

so how does it feel being called something i'm not? by a friend, not just any friend but a friend i considered true and great.. it sucks.. really.. it hit me hard.. like a slap in the face.. may sound overly dramatic but it left me scarred for life.. yeah.. cried a river after that..

i can't even will myself to hate nor despise, can't even curse nor send back a bitchy retort.. i can't coz i won't do that.. that's the difference.. i won't stoop down to that level.. i'm not that deranged.. i even surprised myself with my reaction.. is this maturity? i hope so..

so think about it, look around you, try to gauge the friendships you have, if it's worth it.. if it's worth fighting for.. if it's worth your time.. if your friends are really your friends.. if they are for real.. if they are the ones they tell they are.. if your answer is yes, then i'll tell you to hold on to that friendship because it's such a rare thing to have that kind of friendship nowadays..

it's heart breaking to know after all these years that you really don't know each other, that it'll all boil down to this.. something that isn't actually forever.. something that wasn't meant to be.. it's a pity really.. i'd hate to say this, but things will never be the same.. it'll never be.. i may be able to forgive but i won't be able to forget what my "friend" had done.. not in this lifetime..

it's sad but true.. it sucks isn't it? the experiences i go through.. i should write a book out of my life.. i think a lot of people will learn from my experiences..

to my friends i consider true.. thank you for being there.. i won't be able to go through with this if it weren't for all of you.. i am blessed to have you all.. with that said.. let's go out and celebrate our friendship!!! let's par-tey!!! i love you girlz!!! you know who you are!! ***cheers!!