top-notched?

hell week is finally coming to an end!

i don’t know if i should feel relieved or what. 

you see, just this week, our instructor made an unexpected announcement: i was top one of our first training class (highest grade among the class)!!! [clap! clap!]

top one?! imagine that! i should be proud of myself right? but, such honor puts a bit of a burden on my shoulders, not to mention all the added pressure of doing entirely well at the next one since  everyone is expecting a lot from me and not to screw everything up! my classmates already turn to me for answers and that just adds a whole lot more pressure! see? pressure… my classmates think i know all the answers! i long for the day when we were all just equals… when none of them knew i was doing fairly well at training.

i am not confident at this second training class for the sole reason that it is difficult! yes, believe me! now i know why a lot of trainees failed this class! it is confusing! and our instructor is even more confusing than the training module itself! i have nothing against our instructor, i believe she tried her best to teach us everything, but then again, we just ended up more confused than ever. good thing our instructor for the first part of this second training class took over. i believe i was enlightened after she explained to us in detail all the confusing parts. so now, we all love her!

now with this second training class, i am not entirely sure. i think i just completely understood everything at the last hour before our exams! i do hope i did well in that exam. my goal was to perfect it [i want to be top one again in this class! sue me for aiming high!]. i know i am killing myself for thinking such, but you see, it is motivation! i think it worked! haha! but results are not yet in til next week. so we have the whole long weekend to contemplate.

i do hope and pray i pass! i badly need this job!