restrained

honestly, i am brimming with a lot of thoughts, opinions and what-nots.

i long to blog about it but you see there are certain factors that hinder me from doing just that. it is a bit sad that i let myself be affected by such factors but then, come to think of it, it is no fun hearing side comments about what i should and should not post. as much as possible i want to break free from such people, even if i want to, there will always be people like that.

i long for the day that i could blog freely, without a care in the world of whatever i blog about. after all, it is my blog. i am entitled to freedom of speech.

and for what it is worth, it is my OWN. my own thoughts and opinions. can’t they just leave it at that? if you don’t want what you are reading, then by all means, STOP reading.

there will come a time that we can’t avoid such people who try to impose what should be worth blogging (well, according to their opinion). i see their point and i respect that.

i still want to blog, but with such factors, i think i’ll lay low for a while. i’ll give it some more thought. who knows, i might be blogging again tomorrow! **fingers crossed!**

a mother’s day like no other

Spice Girls - Mama

in a few hours it’s mothers’ day, and once again, i won’t be able to spend this day with her and the whole family. the whole clan is back in nagaland by the way, and i am here — in manila… it’s sad i know… but eventually, you get used to it. by far, i guess this is the fourth or fifth time that i celebrate mothers’ day alone or with my friends…

i stumbled upon this song from the spice girls and for quite some time, the lyrics holds true. i mean, it is very much applicable to me and my relationship with my mom.

i used to be a very sweet kid, as in very sweet. i never go to bed without kissing my parents good night, most especially my mom. i cry whenever i wake up and don’t see her anywhere… for me, mom was my security blanket. i used to write her notes whenever i wanna tell her something and leave it at her night table. she usually gets home really late and by that time i am sound asleep. me and my brothers would make her cards and give her simple gifts on special occasions. i always look forward to sundays coz that’s the only time of the week that my parents don’t have to go to work. if not, my dad would usually pick us up at home after dinner on a certain weekday and bring me and my siblings to mom’s office…

growing up was not easy, conflicts arise and at some point i hated my mom… i think everyone goes through this phase, a bit on the rebel side. mom and i often argue about a lot of things… we no longer see each other eye to eye and i stopped being too sweet… usual misuderstandings and all that stuff, i felt like i wasn’t doing good enough or she was just expecting a lot from me… puberty is hell i tell you! i seldom open up to her and we no longer get to have our usual nightly talks by the terrace… i missed those times! i’d usually ask her impossible questions and she’ll try to fill in my own curiosity… things changed, i have undergone adolescence, she’s going through menopause…

for a brief moment, i guess we hated each other… but now, i understood everything. i can’t blame her for expecting too much from me coz i have been an achiever my whole life, straight As and all… she only wants the best for me and i know that now. all she did, i may have misuderstood it or took it the wrong way, was all out of love.

no one is perfect and we all have our flaws. i now understand why my mom would constantly remind me to do good in school, to give due respect to those who deserve it, to be smart and wise at the same time, to know what’s right from wrong, to take good care of myself, to be resposible, to be a good daughter and sister to my brothers…

mothers are indeed God’s gift to all of us… how i wish i could endure such sacrifice when the time comes that i become a mom myself. i consider myself lucky coz i grew up in a family that is happy, simply happy. both my parents are responsible parents and the values they have imparted on all of us are one of the foundations that molded us to be what we are now. i am not saying that my family’s perfect, nothing is… but just looking at myself and where i am now, i can say that i have been brought up nicely (fyi, i am less bitchy now, as i was before)… and i owe that to my parents!

mama, you have raised me well. rest assured, you did not come short of anything when it comes to me and my brothers. i know how you and papa worked hard to give us the life we wanted… how you sacrificed a whole lot just to be good providers. you are the best parents (flaws and all)! i would never trade you for anything! I LOVE YOU both! thanks for everything!

happy mothers’ day mama!

and to all the mothers out there, i wish you all well! may you have the best mothers’ day ahead! 

Boys 2 Men- A Song For Mama

just got tagged!

10 Ds for deej!

1. doodle/doodling

(accdg to wikipedia) a type of sketch, an unfocused drawing made while a person’s attention is otherwise occupied. They are simple drawings which can have a meaning, a shape or just irregular forms.

back in college, i’d usually have classes separate from my blockmates… i usually call these classes — "solo flight" classes… these classes would sometimes bore me to death that i often result to doodling… it is an effective way to pass the time and to keep myself wide awake!

2. "damn!"

(accdg to merriam-webster) to swear at : curse—often used to express annoyance, disgust, or surprise

this expression started its use among the sisterhood when a quick trip to a mall took place. as we alight the cab, two guys who were in jerseys and caps, baggy shorts and all the bling (trying to be cool i assume or they’re just like that, i don’t know), and as our friend passed by, the two fly guys just uttered "daaammnn!" (read as DAYM!)… guess they just found our friend hot! haha! but we seldom use this expression as to date…

3. dessert

(accdg to merriam-webster) a usually sweet course or dish (as of pastry or ice cream) usually served at the end of a meal

i love chocolates and ice cream, and donuts and sweet candies… me and my sweet tooth… when in a depressing state, ice cream is the best cure! my ultimate comfort food! yummy!

4. dissect/dissection

(accdg to merriam-webster) to separate into pieces : expose the several parts of (as an animal) for scientific examination

that poor little froggie pinned down helplessly with a scalpel running down its belly in high school biology class… pandemonium hit the laboratory when one of the froggies cut loose! being in an exclusive all-girls school, everyone screamed and frantically went out of the way of the frog! i guess our biology teacher got a severe headache afterward… making a mental note that dissection should be deleted from his lesson plan.

5. drama

(accdg to merriam-webster) a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces

an inevitable part of life, i’ve had my fair share of drama last year with the whole falling out thing… it gets a bit tiring as time passes… nevertheless, moving on has been the best way to carry on with my life…

6. diet

(accdg to merriam-webster) a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one’s weight

it is summer time and almost everyone i know is on a diet! well, except me… the pressure of looking good in a two-piece bikini is enough reason to push one’s self to starvation… tsk, tsk!

7. deviant

(accdg to merriam-webster) to stray especially from a standard, principle, or topic/ deviating especially from an accepted norm

some people would just insist on having it their way rather than the traditional way… sometimes taking such risks pays off, but sometimes we’re not that lucky…

8. destress

(accdg to merriam-webster) to release bodily or mental tension : unwind

most often than not, we all need to destress… clear the head with excess baggages from the workplace and have some fun! everyone is entitled to that! relaxation is essential!

9. dogs

it is no joke that i really love dogs! too bad the condo doesn’t allow pets… i love dogs coz i find them cute! my dogs are my stress relievers! my playmates! with lack thereof, i need to find other stress relievers!

10. dance/dancing

(accdg to merriam-webster) to move or seem to move up and down or about in a quick or lively manner

i like dancing,  love it even! too bad there isn’t enough free time to pursue it…  so sad!

training day

 after being the nomadic neophyte for almost a month… now, i am seeing myself in a whole new light… a whole new persona… in heels and business attire if you please…

we, myself and fellow trainees are being groomed as to date to be the best employees - at the very least…

first stop was personality development, well, more like charm school or something like that. taught us how to walk, sit, stand - the prim and proper way… more like Victorian times, back when ladies were still considered ladies, well, you know what i mean… even taught us how to shake hands properly and of course, table manners/etiquette… and how to apply make-up… a bit overwhelming but the important thing was that i learned a lot… i still am hating high heeled shoes by the way, flats is still the best way to go… nothings beats comfy!

right now, we are in our second week of the first course of our training… a bit complicated but so far i am still with the flow… at least i am part of the 90% of the class that is not having a hard time understanding the lessons… LESSONS! damn! i feel like i’m back at school, although i never wore business attire with full make-up on and hair tied up in a bun! nevertheless, it is fun when i get the lessons right and less mistakes during hands-on exercises. 

but the schedule is a big adjustment for me… i am wide awake when the clock strikes 5 in the morning, and it takes me an hour to get ready… and then the long commute to "school" can be a bit stressful! coz classes start at 7:30! just imagine myself, walking along a busy street in make up and business attire and worse, it is full blast summer! i am hating the summer heat!!! waah…

yup! life is hard… but we all have to make sacrifices… all for the sake of our future…

so what do we do to unwind and not feel all the pressure and stress? hmm… well, camwhorin’ of course! we all have that in common! we just click away!

i apologize…

i admit, my posts are not your average blogs…

reading my blogs is like taking a peek inside my mind… 

some blogs make sense, some blogs doesn’t…

writing or blogging to me is an outlet… a passion…

i am thankful to all those who took time to read my thoughts, my opinions…

i am grateful for all those who even took time to post comments…

making blogs has its perks and its downsides…

to those who got offended in any way with my blogs… 

i apologize… 

Buckcherry - Sorry (Buckcherry)