you think you know, but you have no idea

september 20, 2007 (thursday)

how well do you know your friends? do you really? hmm.. lemme think for a bit.. well, i think i know some of them.. yup.. i guess i did.. but i was wrong.. totally wrong..

let me ask you this, do friends deliberately say hurtful things to one another? is it really necessary to result to name calling and stuff? would friends do that? i don't think so..

would i let someone do that to me? curse me or something? hell no!! it's gonna be war i tell you.. all hell would break loose! but what if that someone is a friend of yours, not just any friend, but a friend you've known almost your entire life? someone you've grown up with? someone whom you thought knew the real you.. someone you considered family..

if that's the case, then that friend isn't really a friend.. just a mere acquaintance.. a nobody.. i really don't wanna think that the friendship i hold so dear would just go down the drain.. split into pieces.. impossible to put together..

i have been called a lot of things by people i don't even know, i could care less what they think, they're not important to me.. i care what the people i love think, their opinions matter.. coz these people make my life worth living..

so how does it feel being called something i'm not? by a friend, not just any friend but a friend i considered true and great.. it sucks.. really.. it hit me hard.. like a slap in the face.. may sound overly dramatic but it left me scarred for life.. yeah.. cried a river after that..

i can't even will myself to hate nor despise, can't even curse nor send back a bitchy retort.. i can't coz i won't do that.. that's the difference.. i won't stoop down to that level.. i'm not that deranged.. i even surprised myself with my reaction.. is this maturity? i hope so..

so think about it, look around you, try to gauge the friendships you have, if it's worth it.. if it's worth fighting for.. if it's worth your time.. if your friends are really your friends.. if they are for real.. if they are the ones they tell they are.. if your answer is yes, then i'll tell you to hold on to that friendship because it's such a rare thing to have that kind of friendship nowadays..

it's heart breaking to know after all these years that you really don't know each other, that it'll all boil down to this.. something that isn't actually forever.. something that wasn't meant to be.. it's a pity really.. i'd hate to say this, but things will never be the same.. it'll never be.. i may be able to forgive but i won't be able to forget what my "friend" had done.. not in this lifetime..

it's sad but true.. it sucks isn't it? the experiences i go through.. i should write a book out of my life.. i think a lot of people will learn from my experiences..

to my friends i consider true.. thank you for being there.. i won't be able to go through with this if it weren't for all of you.. i am blessed to have you all.. with that said.. let's go out and celebrate our friendship!!! let's par-tey!!! i love you girlz!!! you know who you are!! ***cheers!!